Early Morning Thoughts, June 20th

For the next couple posts or so, I will be backtracking and uploading my older entries from the aforementioned iPad notes. This one is originally from June 20th.




I remember back in high school one year, I got this makeup gift set for Christmas. It was by a brand called “Bonne Bell”. I’d never heard of it or used it before, but it came with this awesome lip gloss. It was glittery and translucent. The scent was “Christmas Sugar Cookie” or something similar. I loved that lip gloss.  I used it every day and my best friend, Rachel, always borrowed it and used it when she saw I had it out. Every time, she asked me where I had gotten it, and every time, I gave her the same response, and that was that I didn’t know.
I was at her house one weekend and we were hanging out and having a good time. We eventually decided to play around and do our makeup. I unzipped her makeup bag and there it was. My Bonne Bell lip gloss. I hadn’t even noticed it was missing, but after thinking back, I realized I hadn’t seen it in a few weeks. I confronted her about it in a joking manner, I said “Oh hey! You found my lip gloss, I’ve been looking everywhere for it! ”
Her face gave her away in an instant, but she lied anyway,
“Oh no, that ones mine, I bought my own. ”

I looked at the tube. The label was worn and ratty.
“Cool. Where’d you get it?”

“I found it at Target.”

I let the conversation drop. I didn’t ask how she’d found a limited edition flavor such as “Christmas Sugar Cookie” in the middle of April. Or the fact that the lip gloss was part of a holiday gift set and that they didn’t sell it by itself (at least as far as I know.)

Instead,  we continued with our sleepover. The next morning before I left, while she was still half asleep, I went into her makeup bag and took it back. It’s not really stealing if it was yours to begin with, right?

She never mentioned that the lip gloss was gone, but she knew. It was like an unspoken secret between us. It was also when I first realized that I couldn’t trust her. Not one bit.

A few weeks later, she was in a particularly bad and bitchy mood and was scribbling in her journal during Spanish class. None of us ever paid attention in that class. I sat behind her and I remember being able to see what she was writing over her shoulder. She had listed my name, as well as all our other friends ‘ names and then start writing about how much she hated all of us and wanted us to die and burn in hell.  I was really freaked out and hurt. Even though we had our differences, and I knew how two-faced and untrustworthy she was, she wasn’t much worse than any of my other “friends” at my school. It hurt that she felt that way about ME, her supposed best friend forever. Out of concern, and mostly anger, I told everyone in our friend group about what she had written. I don’t remember exactly what happened after, but for a few days we all avoided her as much as we could. However, she eventually just ended up melding right back in with us. And everything was forgotten. This happened frequently. There was always some sort of drama or rumor she had started, and we always bitched and groaned amongst yourselves about how awful and toxic she was. But in a small private school where our entire grade was only 46 people, it was impossible to cut people out of your life. At least that’s what I thought at the time.. Until they cut me out.



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